My whole life all I've ever wanted to be was a mom. It makes my heart sing when I think about holding my own child in my arms and ache when I think it may not happen.
Then I also have this voice in my head telling me I'm selfish. I'm doing this for the wrong reasons. I will never be able to give the life that my child deserves. I'm not fit to raise a child.
Then I think there are millions of people in this world who have gotten pregnant from one night stands or by boyfriends who then bail and what makes them deserve parenthood more than me?
I've always been a very sensitive, introspective and logical person. But this dream of mine is challenging me in ways I never thought possible. Logic is my normal go-to guy. Analyze the situation, determine what action makes sense. Done. But not here. My heart has lead this charge since day one so I am riddled with emotions and unable to use logic to steady myself. Instead logic seems to be my enemy here. Or is it the societal and family norms that have brainwashed me? Both?
My biggest hurdle as I continue to pursue this dream of mine is allowing myself permission to want what I want. My head and logic are still trying to fight for control here because they ALWAYS have control. Never once have I disregarded my head and gone 100% full blown, balls to the wall with my heart.
Well, there's a first time for everything right?