Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Do What Makes You Happy

My grandmother passed away Monday.

It was unexpected but not surprising at the same time. She was 94 and had Alzheimer's but aside from that was the healthiest old person I've ever seen. Only time had ever been in the hospital was to have her 3 kids and an emergency appendectomy about 15 years ago.

This has been a different experience for me seeing as I've already been in the process of saying goodbye to her since her diagnosis 6 years ago. Only within the last year did it get really bad. She forgot who I was along with everyone else in my family except my dad.

I am sad that my family will finally have to say goodbye to the one who was our guiding light. My grandfather died almost 20 years ago so she was the one everyone turned to. She led us. I feel as though my family has lost our compass.

We don't really do funerals in my family so there isn't anything planned immediately but the kids are all flying out to help take care of everything else (god knows what and how intense that is) and decide what we as a family will do to honor her soon.

But like my mind tends to do, it works itself out in dreams and I had one that has stuck in my mind.

I arrived to my family, hugs, tears and stories all around. My family brings out a sense of pride in me I don't have with many things. I love them something fierce. My dad, aunt and uncle sat all us grandkids down and handed us each a box? envelope?  {specifics are escaping me here} I opened it and inside was a check and a note that said "Do What Makes You Happy".

It's like she was speaking to me about this. Motherhood. The thing I think about more than I'd ever admit. The thing that my heart is trying so hard to overtake my brain with.

Do what makes you happy.

I read blogs every night but rarely comment, mainly because I have an RSS feed set up on my Kindle Fire and as great at it is for reading it SUCKS for typing. I love peeking in on the journey's of other SMC and mom's in general. So for all the ladies out there posting and wondering if anyone reads it the answer is yes! Someone is in the background watching and learning from your life but just not chiming in. I hope my blog is that for someone today, tomorrow or years down the road.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry for your loss. I can imagine the hole her death leaves in your family.