Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Moving Forward While Not Really Moving

I get so excited every night to fire up my tablet and open up my RSS feed to catch up on all the blogs that I am subscribed to. Not going to lie, I am always bummed when there are no updates! So in case there is someone out there who actually reads this thing and is hoping for an update... HERE YOU GO!

It's so crazy to me that while still in the early (secret) stages that there are so many people out there that I don't even know (and never will) that are such huge parts of preparing my heart for this journey. I can't tell you all how much it settles my worries and anxieties to see/read that you have the exact same experiences, complaints, celebrations, needs, wants and desires as moms who didn't go the SMC route. I know logically that there is no reason to expect things to be any different, but so much about this decision is based solely on the heart and emotions that logic always seems to be somewhere just out of sight for me. 

Right now my work is in battling some judgments I've placed on myself that are preventing me from fully embracing this decision.  I really am having to reprogram myself on beliefs I've carried around for so long that it feels like I'm breaking some sort of law by even wanting to do this. I can't be the one who is standing in my own way. 

I've found my mind drifting to a couple things that are huge steps in the "acceptance" direction: telling my 2 best friends that this is something I plan to pursue and joining in on an SMC group in my area. Both things I am not ready for quite yet, but the fact that I'm even contemplating it is approximately 103875347 light years ahead of where I was just a few months ago. So I'm moving forward without going anywhere really. Can't imagine why I never feel like I'm making progress on anything... :P

This whole thing is just wild. How can something seem so natural and so downright bat shit crazy all at the same time?! 

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